e.vol.ve.re studio

sex is just a coded language for our deepest emotional needs, because tell me how you were loved, and i will know a lot how you make love.

esther perel

on the importance of intimacy (and what it really means) in relationship.

on healing from sexual abuse –

when you are able to reclaim control. but the control is not about saying “no.” the control is actually about saying “yes.” there is no greater freedom than voluntarily giving yourselves over. that’s the thing that is robbed from us when we are coerced… [the choice to say “yes] is to giving myself to you, to being with you, to trusting you, to giving myself the permission to enjoy.

there is no greater vengeance for anyone who has experienced abuse than to reclaim control, connection, and pleasure…

esther perel

on modern monogamy –

it really says – what it threatens – “we are replaceable. we are not indispensable and we are not unique. and in our culture of individualism, it’s a slap in the face… yes, there was before and there could be even after. and we live with that.”

esther perel

on conflict in relationship –

conflict is part of love and relationships. all relationships. but don’t think that what matters is what you’re fighting about, but always ask yourself “what is it that i am fighting for?”

what people fight for when they fight is usually three things. you fight for care and closeness, you fight for respect and recognition, and you fight for power and control. who makes the decisions? whose priorities matter more? power and control. care and closeness – do you have my back? can i trust you? and respect and recognition – can you value me?

esther perel